I felt like I was drowning for the longest time, trying to be a mom, a good friend, great daughter, for a time the sweet little perfect wife, and once that fell apart I have even attempted to be a good partner to a couple of men. All the while I always felt like a part of me was always being devalued and missing. I was being swallowed in a pool of everyone else’s expectations of what my worth was to them.
I realized in my late thirties that I was missing the huge fucking point in the game of life, I was missing my own mother fucking self worth. I have given and given so much of myself that I was left devalued and empty, from my sexuality to my own emotional well being. So I decided to do something solely just for me.
I did my very first Boudoir photo shoot, I stepped so far outside my comfort zone that I almost thought that I lost my own damn mind. But let me tell you the moment I saw those pictures it was like the self worth bomb went off in my brain. I finally for the first time in my life saw myself as a strong confident and sexy woman. From that moment forward my life started changing and it has not stopped since last April.
My pictures hang on my bedroom wall as a daily reminder that I am a sexy badass woman. I buy lingerie for no man but for myself. Most days I have lace underwear on simply because I like knowing that under my scrubs I have some sexy ass bra and panty set on and it helps me walk a little taller and yeah my little half smile on my face might be simply because I have something naughty on under my clothes. Who knows its my little secret.
I am learning that my self worth is knowing fully that I am strong, independent,fiercely sexy and beautiful woman in my own right. My beauty comes from the way I carry my confidence, it is how I smile even though I have been broken down multiple times and I still choose to live and I am willing to give my heart over and over.I know that I am worthy of love from a man and that my time is valuable, and so is my respect, trust, and my sexuality.
I am taking pride in getting up early everyday and going to the gym and pushing my body and making it look better, for no one but myself, but along with that comes the pride in wanting to look good, I am doing my hair more… like holy shit I am actually styling it again and even went as far and having extensions put in and this woman has long hair again for the first time in over fourteen years! I am taking more time with my makeup and have started wearing my perfume again,
Yes for me my self worth is tied into myself love, and self confidence and my sexuality but for fucks sake I don’t care. It’s all a package deal for me. I am in my late thirties and I am in full bloom. I am finally becoming the woman I have always meant to be, I am a strong, confident, sexy badass beautiful woman worthy of all the love and beauty this world has to offer. Who the fuck wouldn’t want to be with a Badass like me? Because baby I am Fucking worth it! I own it I am a mother fucking Queen! And that is Self Worth. Knowing it Owning it and Showing. I don’t need a partner its a want. I am just fine all on my own.