The week isn’t even halfway over and I feel like my life is getting out of control already, my mom has so many doctor’s appointments right now for pre-op to get ready for back surgery that we don’t have a date for that my head is starting to spin, my thirteen year old daughter to whom I love dearly is starting to really test the waters of my patience when it comes to her social life and the handling of her responsibilities at home, and I am dealing with car finance issues on the other hand that I know without any doubt are going to turn out just fine but the stress level is through the roof.I don’t even want to get started on the emotional bull shit that has happened in the last two months which has left me so raw and open and I am still unsure about how I feel about all of it. What I do know is my freak out moment is coming I need to get away I need some time to myself to relax and just be but in the honest reality of life I can’t just drive off into the sunset saying “see ya fuckers” with my duces up.
So I sit here in my little car with a quarter tank of gas and I have another day or two till payday and yet I know I just how much gas it will take to get me to work, and I also know I need peace I have to find someway to have a moment to relax. That is it I have to go I have to go for a drive one way or another I am going for a drive! Just me, my car, my music and the road. I made the choice, I go…….
I start the engine find one of my favorite play lists and I drive. I can’t go far so where in the hell can I go in this small town. I have about an hour before I am needed by anyone at home. I just drive windows up and the volume of my music up sometimes I rock out in the car like I am a mother fucking rock star! Others like today I am subdue and chill I just drive not really caring where I go or which way as long as I drive.
Usually I end up at some body of water the river, the marina, or one of the local beaches,unless I have a full tank and then I am off to the lake. Once is a while I will get out and walk but usually when I am needing to just relax all I do is just sit my car quietly for a while with the music turned down a little more and just stare out at the water and I try to just clear my head and not overthink anything just let it all flow the thoughts that are streaming through my head.
I have days where five mins of looking at the water and I am good to go and others where I need thirty plus or sometimes I have get my feet in the water and ground myself by feeling the cold chill of the water on my feet clearing out all the negativity from me.
Once I am done though I am always amazed at how relaxed and the peace that I feel from just going for a little drive to listen to some music and find stillness in some water. For me in my life as these little drives are my moments of sanity and small ways of capturing some time to relax and quiet my soul in an otherwise hectic life.