The following blog was previously published on Blogger.com in 2015 and received 7,637 views. I wanted to re-share this with you all because I believe it to be still pertinent in the fact of loving one’s self.
B.F. Skinner once described psychology that digs for the past as a way to explain the behavior of a person as “explanatory fictions”.
FFFFwwhhHHHhaaaattt?!!! Oh my Lord, he is right.
I never thought about the idea that behavior is not a past, because a past cannot be studied as a science. It is not a tangible thing. The past is a jumbled picture book of perceptions. We can learn from the past, but there is nothing more to do with it than learn. This is a labeling practice. I was abused therefore I engaged in a behavior that produced a response. The behavior is what needs to be focused on, because reaction is tangible and produces an environmental effect. You can describe the physical act, the measurement, the social environmental reaction and description of events as they unfold. Then, you can change it.
I am in shock. A de-emphasis on past events? Freud and all his friends with their big thinking was nothing more than a label. They gave us a basis of understanding, a foundation for critically breaking down the process and changing the action. Pavlov demonstrated this in his famous drooling dog theory. I see it in my own house. Something as small as telling my daughters to keep the doors closed to all rooms so the dog wont get into garbage and the rooms stay warm. Now we have a woodstove and I moved all the garbage’s and all doors must be left open. Do you think ANY of us do? Nope. We have been conditioned and now must modify this.
On another note, I’m not smoking cigarettes as much, I have an excess behavior in smoking. I am one hour at a time. If I smoke one, then that happened and I keep trying until the behavior is modified. I also do not want anything heavy in my house. I want all furniture to be on the lighter side. No ornate heavy clutter. This is not just getting rid of my shit so I don’t have to move it when that time comes. No. This is letting go of heavy shit. This is making my shell lighter. This is making my soul de-cluttered. Ill give you an example why.
I received a message from a very upset woman saying to not talk to her man. I knew her man alright. I knew he was a lot of drama. A bunch. He is the 38 year old version of a 13 year old girl. If you ever notice you’re life is constant spikes of up and down, perhaps it is time to change YOUR behavior. I modified by cutting him out. He is not local, I do not see him. He does not have my number. I have blocked him from all social media. It was not personal, except I just did not like him personally anymore and he drained my energy. Now you know about him. His woman (as far as I could understand) had found a text to my number. This is where it gets funny dramatic. She is very upset and tells me I must be miserable with my man (I love him! Remember? Funny timing.) She is attacking in every passive aggressive way possible. I respond that I am not sure what is going on. I read the messages from her to my daughter, whose eyes get all huge. She then tells me she got weird texts from this guy at 1 am a few months ago. You see, I had gotten a new phone and new number and she had my old phone and number. She said they didn’t make sense but she thought it was something I had posted on facebook and he thought it was about him. He must be Carly Simon.
The end of the story is, this man and woman are getting married and are in love and I better stay out of it. Then she sends well wishes of peace and harmony and I gave her the thumb. Sometimes reactions come from places that are misdirected. My daughter never told me he had text because she knew I couldn’t stand him. It was so not important that it just didn’t come up. This woman’s perception is that I am the wedge between them. I still don’t like him, and I do not like being attacked, but I feel kind of indifferently sad for her. She seems creative and smart and beautiful, and she is going to marry a guy who reaches out to other women because he is insecure. These are not my behaviors though. Therefore I have nothing to modify
Unpacking my soul clutter, freshly scrubbing off the paint of the past and allowing myself to be loved by someone, and I have even been paying my own bills and budgeting…all these modifications are what are leading me to a better life. A life without anger, which is just a label for behavior actions. Let the labels go. Let the past go. Let’s get on with life already.