Peggy-A Room with a View-#4

Last we talked, we spoke about the Beast in more derogatory terms. The Beast is not all reaction; you have to look past the Beast, to the mechanism of Defense. Defense is not always unnecessary or extreme in Beast ways. Sometimes the Beast, when we know how to perceive what danger is actual and what is perceived projection, rescues us from our own negligence when you cannot hear the people who support you.

In the Logic Blog we talked about the strategy attachment models.  I wanted to back up to perception again, how we can control our emotional response by changing our perception to a positive within our self and within changing our scope of others.

Just for theoretical example, when we are stuck in that perception-rejection loop we need motivation to move forward. Sometimes the Beast comes to us in motivation and strength. The Beast says “You Are Strong, You will overcome.” The Beast could also be called our Last Hope before change.

My Beast has been presenting some pretty clear signs of neglect. I could not figure out where Beast was coming from, so I became an investigator of self and started putting crow on the table before me. For my next act, I Eat Crow. My belly felt full and bloated. I was missing something.

The Beast was trying to get my attention. After my last neck/shoulder injury, I was given a non-narcotic nerve blocker. I felt crazy. Like…crazy. I won’t shame myself, but good grief that was rough on every one I love. I had a bladder infection, but haven’t been able to feel it, until the last month or so I just didn’t feel good. I stopped taking nerve blockers, and started feeling really sick. A few days ago I woke up with the worst pain in my back and abdomen and a UTI from hell. I texted my friend Misty, who told me to get my ass to the E.R.  I listened and was admitted to the Hospital for the next 24 hours where the Beast fought to overcome the blood infection in my body. They took me to a room upstairs, and I realized I was going into the same room, same bed, as the last person I had visited at the hospital during his last stay on earth. I thought about the days when I would look at Facebook to see Gabriel (of #GabrielandRyan) was learning to walk again at the hospital after her surgery to remove the tumor. I thought about Gabriel posting her emotion, missing Ryan while she had to be 3 hours away in order to receive the care she needed for her Beast to push her to survival. I was afforded a room with a view.

Everyone called Carlton at work, because his phone is still missing and I had our only vehicle. Misty and Angie and Carlton came to be by my side. My mom and Gwen came as well.  Carlton stayed as late as visiting hours would allow and went home with my cell phone so I couldn’t play Peggy, Web MD.  I watched The Notebook and fell asleep in amongst proficient nurses and a friendly ultra sound tech coming in every few hours. I thought about family. I thought watching your family for the last time. I thought about the love in the room. I fell asleep comforted every time I awoke. I was fortunate, I am fortunate, and I am tired.

Beast Eat #Crowinglove with #IntentionalMovement



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: