We make room for the new beginning here. Beginnings are not a stranger, and I should be a professional beginner by now, instead of learning an important lesson.
You cannot heal the hurt inside your partner, nor can they heal you.
I read books, piles of books on how to be the best person I can be. I crowed my love and my love revealed an ugly scar. That gaping wound needs space to heal, I do not know if that means reuniting and setting boundaries, or if it means moving on. When my husband left, he left his wedding ring. I cannot imagine it means much if he would leave it behind. He left no note, no text, no call, no message, just effectively disappeared. I switched my ring to my right hand as a symbolic gesture of being true to myself and not acting out of impulse in this time of stress. The ring feels wrong on this finger. Change is an uncomfortable process.
My promise to myself is to give love to the friends and my family who have generously helped us through this journey. My daughter and I will find that place to live, find that job that is perfectly monotonous, and we can settle in. I can see it, I just do not see how. Perhaps we just need to be present time. Forget that we have been without a home for 6 months. Forget that Fall is coming and no one has responded to your applications, resumes, calls and drop-ins. Forget and fall free, watch a movie on Netflix, drink a little whiskey. I do not know many couples who could have survived as long as we have, under the stress we have performed, and carried on. In times like these, the real struggles, it is all timing and environment.
We were not perfect. But we both strive to be. I hope he is okay out there, and if you see him tell him he is cared for. This relationship was a good thing. And all good things must end to make room for a quiet beginning. Please hold us in your thoughts.