The Homefree experience is not what we had planned when we began crowing our love. We could foresee buying a home in town, working at our places of employment for many years to come, being an all american family. The abruptness of being displaced and being let go at my job (to be fair, I refused my supervisor and said I would quit if asked to break the law and my own laws..I asked for a leave of absence and thus they took the option.) sent me into a tailspin of massive amount of driving. I drove in circles around the Dungeness, that place known for it’s crabs and Bald Eagles, and I cried. I did this for weeks. I was the saddest, most broken woman you would ever meet. I had looked up to my supervisor as a role model, and she asked me to not trust my intuition. This seemed to be commonplace in my life, my entire life had been spent trying to please people. It broke my hurt that my mentor turned on me so quickly, and that she cared more for that client than her employees or the law. My guts were swimming in my eyes, and I knew I was completely alone. And alone is a very lonely place. A very dark place. Full of deep grief and lack of understanding. I asked God why. Why don’t you love me? Why don’t you love my family?
Somewhere near the wheel gripping and wailing guitars of Lynnard Skynnards’ “Free Bird”, I began to cry tears of joy because I realized I am free. I AM FREE, my time in hell is over. My time of self-punishment is over. I needed that job and to work with women who were like me (single mothers), but I was not them. I did not do heroin or beat my children. I had been treating myself as though I had, and I am not judging those women, but I had lied in my judgement of self. I now understand an important detail of life and I do not hold any anger towards my former workplace, or even the landlords who put us out by not fixing a dang toilet..These repercussions come around, and I don’t even wish it upon them. As Maya Angelou once said in an interview with Oprah “You’re not in it”. This was the interview I listened to on my way to work that final day. Do not let people take you down piece by piece. You’re not in it. This is an issue with them.
I can be good to myself now. I am free and God loves me.